Feeling betrayed can make it harder to move on after a breakup.
Going through a divorce or a breakup stirs some complicated feelings for the majority of us. There are several reasons why people divorce or end a relationship, and based on them you may have a harder or easier time moving on.
There is a big difference between divorcing or breaking up when the two of you had grown apart as opposed to when your partner betrayed you. Your emotional reactions will be vastly different in those two instances
When you feel betrayed and hurt, the challenge is staying civil. It’s also tough to move on because betrayal can make you completely consumed and overwhelmed with negative feelings. You may be drawn to find answers as to why this happened or what you have done wrong to deserve this kind of treatment.
If you remain focused on feeling betrayed, you will stay stuck in bitterness and frustration. How can you handle betrayal so you can continue with your life?
1. Acknowledge your feelings to honour yourself.
First, know it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed with negativity. Betrayal from a romantic partner hits very hard. We are designed to attach to other beings. When a betrayal such as your partner having an affair or wanting to leave you disrupts this bond, this hurts a fundamental part of who we are.
You may have a desire to lash out and make your partner’s life miserable, this is normal. Your trust has been compromised, and these are natural emotional reactions in response to deep pain. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and work through them before reacting.
2. Seek help to process difficult feelings
Working with a good therapist who specialises in relationships can help you work through your feelings and heal much faster.
Acknowledging your emotions allows you to recognise that you have been hurt, and it is not how you like to be treated. By identifying your feelings, you are honouring yourself, learning to build better boundaries, and recognising what works and doesn’t work for you. You were not responsible for the betrayal.
3. Determine the focus of your emotions when you are feeling betrayed
When feeling betrayed, it’s quite natural to focus on questions such as,” Why did he/she do this to me?” and, “What did I do wrong”? You are basically trying to empathise with him/her and his/her reasoning, while opening yourself up to potentially more hurt and feelings of inadequacy.
Empathising with your partner is not necessarily wrong, but when you are trying to move on, it can be a trap that keeps you emotionally entangled and stuck.
Also, this kind of mindset can lead to further scrutiny and judgment of yourself, potentially diminishing your self-esteem.Similarly, if you stay emotionally focused on his/her negative qualities, you will remain stuck. Even if you feel like you hate him/her now, this only means that you are emotionally preoccupied.
4. How to focus on yourself to effectively heal after a breakup
Instead of wondering about him/her and figuring out his/her mindset, it would be more helpful to focus on yourself. Try not to analyse what went wrong, but figure out what it is you need in life. What brings you joy and happiness?
Answering this question will help you work towards creating the life you want for the future. At this time you can draw precise lines between what does and does not work for you. Through this challenging time, you may come to some realisations around what kind of partner is not going to work for you.
Naturally, you are angry due to the betrayal. Working through this anger can help you learn about yourself and live an authentic and happy life. This takes some effort, but it is liberating and helpful in healing after a breakup or divorce.
5. Stay active and keep yourself occupied.
After betrayal and break-up, you may struggle to maintain your regular daily activities during the initial stage of grief. If you have a chance, you may choose to take some time off work. To heal after a breakup faster, surround yourself with good, positive friends and family. If you are taking time off work, do not stay at home the entire time. Take a trip. Visit a good friend or relative. If you are taking time off work, but do not want to make a trip, perhaps you can reengage in an old passion or engage in some activities that will require you to learn something new..
If you are going back to your old passions, avoid doing things you did with your ex. Right now, focus on those things you were doing before you met.
Continuing to work can be a better choice for some during this period of grief. You may have a few critical projects with deadlines, helping you maintain some normalcy in life and thus help you feel more in control. However, be sure you take care of yourself.
If you have recently experienced a breakup and are struggling, please contact me..