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What is a Secure Attachment?

What is a Secure Attachment?

Within families where parents can be attentive and responsive, children learn that they are valued and loved. Children are taught that it is good to pay attention to their emotions, they are encouraged to express themselves, and caregivers offer a sensitive, in-tune,...

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What is Fearful-Avoidant Attachment?

What is Fearful-Avoidant Attachment?

Fearful-avoidance attachment style means feeling both an anxious need for another and an urge to avoid intimacy, resulting in what seems to be irrational behaviour towards those we love the most. Relationships can be characterised by a painful spiral of approaching...

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What is Avoidant Attachment?

What is Avoidant Attachment?

Roughly 25% of us relate in what is known as an avoidant attachment style. According to attachment theory (for more on this, please see previous post: What is Anxious Attachment?), we all need to feel accepted, loved and cared for, and it is as vital as food and...

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What is Anxious Attachment?

What is Anxious Attachment?

The foundations of the model (EFT: Emotionally Focused Therapy) I use in my work is based on attachment theory. So let’s start by exploring a bit about attachment. Psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth first developed attachment theory in the 1950s and 1960s....

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The Power of Vulnerability

The Power of Vulnerability

Dr Sue Johnson, the developer and creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy or EFT (the approach I use in my work), describes what happens when couples get stuck in negative and reactive communication: "In insecure, distressed relationships, we disguise our...

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What is Emotional Incest?

What is Emotional Incest?

Many of us experienced dysfunctional households growing up, where boundaries between parents and adults were blurred in unhealthy ways. Emotional incest is not sexual, but it does describe harmful and neglectful emotional interactions that are psychologically...

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The Difficulty of Perfectionism

The Difficulty of Perfectionism

Society seems to place values on things that appear perfect. However, as human beings, it is not possible to reach a state of perfection. We will always be a work in progress as we are constantly changing. Perfection indicates a finality – a finished product – but we...

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How to Help a Loved One Through Miscarriage

How to Help a Loved One Through Miscarriage

News of pregnancy can come with conflicting emotions. For many, there is joy. However, often the euphoria is also usually mixed with worry. Unfortunately, this worry is genuine for many, as one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. Although miscarriages are common,...

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How to Deal With Social Anxiety After Covid

How to Deal With Social Anxiety After Covid

It has been a very long year since we first found out that we were in a pandemic. Lockdowns and social distancing have had a profound impact on all of us. But thankfully, life is beginning to open back up slowly; we are beginning to return to pre-pandemic life. Many...

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How Anger Can Affect Those We Love

How Anger Can Affect Those We Love

We learn to interact with others as kids based on how our family members interact with each other and us. Unfortunately, once these communication patterns become established in our young minds, it's hard to change them as adults. For many, this means that angry...

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Disordered Eating

Disordered Eating

Disordered eating, or "eating disorders," is a behavioural condition characterised by disturbances in eating behaviours. These behaviours are usually associated with distressing thoughts and emotional patterns.  Disordered eating can be very dangerous, affecting...

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Effective Treatments for Various Addictions

Effective Treatments for Various Addictions

People of all ages, backgrounds and groups can become addicted to a variety of substances and experiences. From drugs to alcohol to porn to gambling, addiction is a real problem for many. Everyone's story is unique, so too should be the treatment programmes available...

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When Has A Relationship Run Its Race?

When Has A Relationship Run Its Race?

Our closest relationships can enrich our lives, but they can also cause significant damage. Whether it is a friend, family member or significant other, any relationship comes with its share of challenges. And more often than not, putting in the effort to resolve...

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The Power of Being Vulnerable

The Power of Being Vulnerable

We seem to live in a society that rewards a particular type of courage and bravery — for example, running into a burning building to save lives. Of course, this act is incredibly courageous. However, I would argue that there is a lack of appreciation for the bravery...

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Re-Entry Anxiety After Lockdown

Re-Entry Anxiety After Lockdown

Most of us over the past year have been unhappy with living a life in lockdown, wondering when we can mingle socially with others. Finally, with vaccines rolling out and most herd immunity developing, society is beginning to open back up. For many, it may be a...

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