Blog
I have been betrayed, should I stay or go?
Betrayal brings unbearable pain, but research shows a relationship can heal. Affairs can teach us a lot about our relationships and who we are. They offer a unique peek into our experiences, coping mechanisms and belief systems. An affair does not need to mean a...
Introducing Neurodiversity
When we speak about human behaviour or ways of being in the world, we have traditionally described someone as having normal or abnormal behaviour. But, recently, specialists have begun to look at things in a broader, more inclusive way. What Does Neurodivergent Mean?...
Stress and the Body
The saying goes, "Into every life, a little rain must fall." Stress is like rain. A little of it can be a good thing. But too much can cause havoc and devastation. Our bodies are designed to handle a little bit of acute or sudden stress. But when stress is prolonged...
But We Are Just Friends: Emotional Affairs Explained
Sex is not the only form of intimacy humans share—a long-term relationship experiences many types of meaningful connections. However, intimate behaviours are understood to remain exclusive within the primary relationship. If the sanctity of that connection is...
What is a Couples Counselling Intensive?
Over the years, more of my clients started to ask for longer, more frequent sessions. So, I developed a one to three-day-long program to meet the need for more intensive ways of working. The Couples Counselling Intensive was born. Maybe you feel stuck in a repeated...
What is a Secure Attachment?
Within families where parents can be attentive and responsive, children learn that they are valued and loved. Children are taught that it is good to pay attention to their emotions, they are encouraged to express themselves, and caregivers offer a sensitive, in-tune,...
What is Fearful-Avoidant Attachment?
Fearful-avoidance attachment style means feeling both an anxious need for another and an urge to avoid intimacy, resulting in what seems to be irrational behaviour towards those we love the most. Relationships can be characterised by a painful spiral of approaching...
What is Avoidant Attachment?
Roughly 25% of us relate in what is known as an avoidant attachment style. According to attachment theory (for more on this, please see previous post: What is Anxious Attachment?), we all need to feel accepted, loved and cared for, and it is as vital as food and...
What is Anxious Attachment?
The foundations of the model (EFT: Emotionally Focused Therapy) I use in my work is based on attachment theory. So let’s start by exploring a bit about attachment. Psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth first developed attachment theory in the 1950s and 1960s....
The Power of Vulnerability
Dr Sue Johnson, the developer and creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy or EFT (the approach I use in my work), describes what happens when couples get stuck in negative and reactive communication: "In insecure, distressed relationships, we disguise our...
What is Emotional Incest?
Many of us experienced dysfunctional households growing up, where boundaries between parents and adults were blurred in unhealthy ways. Emotional incest is not sexual, but it does describe harmful and neglectful emotional interactions that are psychologically...
The Difficulty of Perfectionism
Society seems to place values on things that appear perfect. However, as human beings, it is not possible to reach a state of perfection. We will always be a work in progress as we are constantly changing. Perfection indicates a finality – a finished product – but we...
How to Help a Loved One Through Miscarriage
News of pregnancy can come with conflicting emotions. For many, there is joy. However, often the euphoria is also usually mixed with worry. Unfortunately, this worry is genuine for many, as one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. Although miscarriages are common,...
How to Deal With Social Anxiety After Covid
It has been a very long year since we first found out that we were in a pandemic. Lockdowns and social distancing have had a profound impact on all of us. But thankfully, life is beginning to open back up slowly; we are beginning to return to pre-pandemic life. Many...
How Anger Can Affect Those We Love
We learn to interact with others as kids based on how our family members interact with each other and us. Unfortunately, once these communication patterns become established in our young minds, it's hard to change them as adults. For many, this means that angry...