Managing Anger: Supporting a Loved One Towards Change
Anger is a natural emotion experienced by everyone from time to time. When expressed appropriately, it can be healthy and even productive. However, for some, anger becomes overwhelming and frequent, causing harm to themselves and those around them. If you have a loved one whose persistent outbursts make it difficult to maintain a positive relationship, you may wonder what steps you can take to help. While change ultimately lies with the individual, there are ways to encourage them to seek support.
Understanding When Anger Becomes a Problem
Recognising the severity of your loved one’s anger issues is the first step. Some signs of a serious anger problem include:
- Loved ones avoiding the person to escape their outbursts.
- A pattern of legal trouble or conflicts with the law.
- Difficulty maintaining steady employment due to anger-related incidents.
- A history of broken or strained relationships.
If any of these signs resonate, it may be time to encourage your loved one to consider seeking help.
How to Discuss Anger Issues with a Loved One
Addressing the issue of anger with someone you care about can be challenging. Here are steps to make the conversation as productive as possible:
- Plan what to say – Think carefully about your approach. Use “I” statements to express how their behaviour affects you without placing blame. For example: This approach minimises defensiveness and keeps the focus on your feelings.
- Choose the Right Time and Place
Have the discussion when both of you are calm and in a comfortable environment. Avoid bringing up the topic during or immediately after an outburst.
- Stay Calm and Composed
Remaining calm during the conversation is essential. If they try to provoke you, resist the urge to argue or raise your voice. Model the calm behaviour you hope to encourage in them.
- Offer Solutions and Support
Instead of focusing solely on the problem, provide solutions. Offer to help them find an anger management group, workshop, or therapist. Suggest resources like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which can help individuals and couples explore and manage emotional triggers underlying anger.
- Set Boundaries
Ultimately, your loved one must decide to seek help. If they refuse, it’s vital to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Decide what behaviours you will and will not tolerate and follow through with these limits. Setting boundaries is not about punishment but about protecting your own well-being.
Healing and Moving Forward
If you or your partner struggle with anger, seeking professional support can be life-changing. Therapy offers tools and insights to better understand emotional responses and develop healthier ways to communicate.
If you would like support, please do not hesitate to contact me via email. I am available to see clients online globally and in-person from my office in Hove. Together, we can work towards creating a calmer, healthier future.
