The following are a continuation of tell-tale techniques of gaslighting behaviour.
6. Declarations of love and flattery.
A gaslighter will systematically emotionally tear you down and build you back up, only to tear you down again. Whether you realise it or not declarations of love and flattery are being used by the abuser to build you up to prepare you to be torn down. Any praise offered by the Gaslighter may lead you to think that the abuser isn’t all that bad.
Without a doubt, we all crave stability, and the gaslighter takes the opportunity to use this to their advantage. The abuser has instilled confusion, and this leads the victim to become desperate for some clarity. More often than not, the victim searches for this clarity in those close, the abuser, thus sadly continuing the cycle of manipulation, increasing power that the abuser has over the victim.
For example, if the gaslighter is a liar and a cheat, they will accuse you of being a liar and a cheat. You will start to feel like you constantly need to defend yourself for things you have not done.
9. Being told, “You’re crazy.”
A gaslighter knows you are questioning your sanity. The gaslightery also know that you are searching for clarity in the person who is purposefully manipulating. Therefore, if they call you “crazy”, you start to believe it.
The gaslighter may tell other people close to you that you are “crazy”. This is all part of a plan. If you were ever to want to approach others for help with the gaslighter, they might question you.
10. Everyone else is a liar.
The abuser may also suggest that everyone else is against you and are lying to you. If you find yourself in this horrible situation, believing that everyone else is lying to you can manipulate your sense of reality, and reality becomes blurred. People who gaslight want their victims to be isolated, to create a situation where their victims are forced to turn to them for everything so that they can continue the abuse.
Ultimately, the quicker you identify these gaslighting techniques, the quicker you can remove yourself from this abusive relationships and maintain the distinct reality of your actual needs, feelings and beliefs.
If you’re struggling with this issue in your relationship and need support, I can help. Call my office today and let’s schedule a time to talk.