Unless you are enlightened and surrounded by nothing but other enlightened beings, chances are you run into people and events that make you angry sometimes. And that okay. Anger is a widespread and vital emotion. In many instances, it serves as a critical compass guiding us to better choices and situations.
Do you find yourself becoming repeatedly angry at work while communicating with your boss? This may be pointing towards the fact that you need support to learn new communication methods. Or help to find ways not to take things personally. Your current job or work environment may not be best suited to your skill set and personality.
For many, anger can serve as a guide to some people; to others, anger can become an uncontrollable monster. It can wreak havoc on everyday encounters, often destroying our most significant relationships.
If you find that you get carried away with anger emotions, it is crucial for your physical and mental health must learn how to manage your dysregulation. Below are four everyday exercises you can do to help.
1. Recognising It
The very first step to control your anger is to recognise when it gets triggered. Try to be honest with yourself and slow things down. For whatever reason, it may be that you are getting angry quickly recently. Try to pay close attention to the events of your life that trigger you and your reaction. When you feel the anger feeling coming on, please take a moment to recognise it. What does it feel like in your body? What do you tell yourself?
The act of becoming aware of anger in the moment it arises can help dissipate it. When you recognise it, try telling your anger, thank you for trying to protect me, but I have got this. I control you. You don’t have to control me.
2. Using a Reframe
When we have not slept well, have low blood sugar, or we are just in a bad mood, it’s entirely too easy to see a situation in a way that is not realistic. When you find yourself angry, try to take a moment and reframe the situation. Is there a different explanation for a triggering event?
When someone overtakes you dangerously while driving, you have two options. You can assume that they did it intentionally to **** you off, or it’s possible to reframe and to come up with a better explanation; it wasn’t intentional they didn’t see me.
For getting cut off in traffic is never pleasant, you can reframe the situation, this will help lower anger around it. It is possible to reframe any situation that might trigger you. Could you give it a go?
3. Taking Deep Breaths
You have heard countless times that breathing deeply and slowly during stressful situations can help you feel relaxed almost immediately, but have you ever tried it in the heat of the moment? Slow, deep intentional breaths can have a profound impact on our entire body and nervous system, relaxing our muscles and slowing down our heart rate. Maybe give it a try the next time you feel your anger rising. You’ll be shocked at how effective deep breathing can be.
Our imagination is mighty. We all knew this as children, but for some reason, this ability seems to have been forgotten.
Take a few deep breaths and visualise a pleasant environment or situation. This could be sitting in your favourite chair in the sunlight, the smell of baking bread in your kitchen in the air and the sound of the radiator hissing on a frosty winter morning. You could take yourself to a tropical beach, the waves lapping against the golden sands, a light warm sea breeze around you.
Your consciousness does not know real from imagined situations. As you believe yourself someplace that is peaceful and happy, your body naturally reacts as if you were there and helps your nervous system to relax creating feelings of calm and happiness.
These are just some ideas for tools you can use to help manage your when anger wants to take over. If you feel that anger is hurting your relationship, please contact me. I would be happy to discuss relationship counselling with both of you.