The “Q” in LGBTQ: How Do I Know if I’m Not Straight?
The study of sexual orientation has been quite a controversial area of psychology, raising numerous questions. What makes a person identify as queer, and what percentage of the population currently identifies as such? Is sexual orientation determined solely by biology, or what role do early learning and other social experiences play?
Given the complexity of sexual orientation, it is easy to see why many people, particularly young people, struggle with determining their preferences. For many teenagers experiencing their sexuality for the first time, thanks to those new, surging hormones, exploring their identity can be exciting, daunting, and completely overwhelming.
Determining Sexual Orientation
While many people ‘know’ their sexual orientation, a certain percentage of young people find themselves in a grey area. No test can determine if you are gay, straight, bisexual, trans, or queer. And there is no singular way that queer people express themselves. The queer population is just as diverse as the straight population.
Young people must understand this: just because a young man might be gentle and effeminate does not necessarily mean he is gay, just as a classically masculine and brash bloke is not necessarily straight.
To identify your sexual orientation, it is vital first to understand what that phrase means exactly. The British Psychological Association defines sexual orientation as an ‘enduring emotional, romantic, sexual, or affectional’ attraction towards another person.
With this definition in mind, here are some questions you can ask yourself to help determine if you might be queer:
- Have I ever been sexually attracted to the same sex?
- Do I feel strong emotional bonds with the same sex?
- When I fantasise, am I with people of the same or opposite sex?
- Am I physically attracted to the same sex?
- Have I considered having a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex?
- How did this make me feel?
- Have I had same-sex sexual experiences in the past? How did I feel during and after?
Discovering I am Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans or Queer
Depending on where you live (in a small town or a big city) and what kind of support system you have (loving and open-minded friends and family versus unsupportive and traditional), you may find it challenging to discover your sexuality. You may be tempted to hide your true self and feelings from others.
Having worked with lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and queer-identified teenagers in my practice, I can tell you that hiding your true feelings and identity is typically an excruciating place to be.
Know this: if you determine that you are LGBTQ, you are not alone. Many others like you are leading healthy and happy lives. If you come out to friends and family and they do not support you, there are other resources you can turn to:
– lgbt.foundation
– switchboard.lgbt
– www.queerfutures.co.uk
– Based in Brighton and Hove www.switchboard.org.uk
Consider working with a therapist if you find dealing with your sexuality overwhelming in any way. They can offer guidance, support, and coping strategies.
More and more LGBTQ youth are coming out and finding support while learning to love themselves. While things may seem daunting right now, your life can feel just as healthy and happy as anyone else’s.
If you or someone you know thinks that they might not be straight and would like to explore counselling, please get in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
