Recognising the Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
At some point in our lives, many of us find ourselves in a relationship that isn’t serving us in a healthy way. This could be due to emotional manipulation, subtle control tactics, or outright verbal or physical abuse. Often, it can be hard to recognise when we’re in an abusive relationship, particularly when we’re struggling with our own self-worth.
Abuse isn’t always physical—it can be mental and emotional, and these types of abuse can be more difficult to spot. People of all backgrounds and identities can find themselves in these situations, unsure of how they ended up there or even questioning whether their feelings are justified. If you find yourself in a relationship that is making you feel less than who you are, it might be time to take a closer look at your situation.
Here are five warning signs that you might be in an abusive relationship:
1. Undermining Your Thoughts and Feelings
Healthy relationships involve open communication where both partners feel heard and understood. If your partner regularly dismisses your point of view, denies your reality, or makes you question your own sanity, this is a serious red flag. This type of behaviour can lead to a loss of confidence and a distorted sense of reality, which is common in emotionally abusive relationships.
2. Isolation from Friends and Family
When you find yourself being cut off from the people who care about you, this is a form of control. Whether your partner uses subtle tactics—like feigning illness to keep you at home—or more overt behaviours, such as forbidding you from seeing certain people, this is an unhealthy and abusive sign. Your emotional support network is essential for your well-being, and being isolated from them can cause significant harm.
3. Constant Put-Downs
A healthy relationship is one where both partners support and uplift each other. If your partner constantly insults you, belittles your achievements, or puts you down, this is verbal abuse. Even if they frame it as “just a joke,” or claim that they’re trying to “help,” it’s still a harmful behaviour meant to undermine your self-esteem.
4. Manipulating You with Guilt
One of the most common forms of emotional abuse is using guilt to control and manipulate your actions. If your partner regularly makes you feel responsible for their happiness or tries to guilt you into giving up your personal time or interests, this is a sign of an unhealthy power dynamic. You deserve to have time and space for yourself without feeling pressured or selfish.
5. Controlling Your Behaviour
Controlling behaviours can manifest in many ways, from dictating what you wear to monitoring where you go and who you talk to. While it may start subtly—like teasing you about your wardrobe choices or making dismissive comments about your opinions—this behaviour is disrespectful and abusive. Over time, these small controlling actions can build up and restrict your freedom and individuality.
How to Recover from an Unhealthy Relationship
If you’re recognising these signs in your own relationship, it’s important to take steps towards recovery:
- Spot the signs of control: Becoming aware of unhealthy patterns in your relationship is the first step towards breaking free from them. By identifying the behaviours that are damaging, you can begin to understand what is truly happening.
- Trust your instincts: Learning to listen to your own feelings, thoughts, and intuition can empower you to reclaim your strength. Believe in your worth and recognise that you deserve a relationship based on mutual respect, trust, and love.
- Lean on supportive people: Reach out to those who care about you. Surround yourself with friends and family who can provide a safe, loving environment where you can heal.
- Seek professional support: A trained therapist, particularly one who uses Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), can help you make sense of your emotions and guide you through the process of healing. Couples therapy or individual counselling can provide you with the tools and strategies to rebuild your self-worth and navigate difficult relationships.
If you or someone you know is experiencing an unhealthy relationship and would like to explore your options for support, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. I would be happy to offer guidance on how you can move forward.
If you would like support, please do not hesitate to contact me through email. I am seeing clients online globally and in person at my office in Hove.
