Examples of Gaslighting
The following are tell-tale signs of gaslighting behaviour:
1. Blatant lying.
First, people whom gaslight tell lies. They can lie which such ease and this is the issue. This lying becomes an abusive entrenched pattern. You start to question everything and become uncertain of the most straightforward matters. This self-doubt is what a gaslighter wants to cultivate.
2. Deny, Deny, Deny.
You are sure that you know they what they said. They, however completely deny ever saying it. The gaslighter may push the point, asking you to ‘prove it,’ knowing that you only have your memory of the discussion that they are denying happened.
You start to question your memory and often your reality. You begin to wonder, is the gaslighter right? Maybe he/she didn’t say what you remember. Consequently, you find yourself, questioning your reality and accept theirs.
3. Using what you love against you.
Gaslighters use what is closest to you against you. If you enjoy your job, they will find issues with it. If you have kids, the gaslighter may try to convince you that it was wrong that you have had them. This is an abusive manipulation tactic and can cause victims to question the very foundation of themselves and what they hold most dear.
4. The slow death of the self.
Gaslighters often use an exact, deliberate timeline. The manipulation happens very gradually, and over time the victim does not even realise what is going on and finds themselves morphing into someone they do not recognise. The most confident person can become a shell of their former self without really being aware of it. The victim’s reality diminishes and becomes that of the abuser.
5. Words vs Actions.
Notably, a person who gaslights tend to talk a great deal, covering up their behaviour flowery with words. However, these words are often empty in meaning or truth. Therefore, for those close to the victims, it is essential to look at what the abusers are doing. The issues lie in their actions towards the victim, not the words that will attempt to cover up the manipulation and abuse.
If you’re struggling with this issue and need support and guidance, I can help. Call my office today and let’s schedule a time to talk. You are not alone.