Feeling Disconnected? Here are three ways to reconnect.
Thanks to Hollywood, many couples have been led to believe the secret to reconnecting and rekindling passion is through a Caribbean cruise, a new car or jewelry. However, the reality is, once there is a disconnect between partners, gift and vacations will not help long term.
It may seem counterintuitive, but love is mended not through grandiose deeds, but through small acts of kindness, through the seemingly micro -moments. It is in these moments when we have a choice to listen to our partners and love them.
Pay Better Attention
It is not maliciousness but rather mindlessness that often causes a disconnect. When our partner turns to us with an emotional need, or to jus t be heard, do we stop what we are doing and give them our full attention? Alternatively, do we mumble something and nod a little, all the while checking our phone?
One of the most critical steps to reconnecting is to become more self-aware and understand that you are, most likely, not paying your partner the kind of attention they seek and deserve. When they reach for you, reach back. Showing kindness and respect, especially in those moments when it feels hard (like when the game is on, or your friend is texting you something that is captivating your attention), will go a long way towards reconnecting you.
Try to Understand You Partner Better
Often disconnection comes not from what is said between you both but what is not mentioned. Many couples complain they feel their partner wants them to be a mind reader!
However, what partners want is for the other person to take the time to get to know them. Think about this, if you have been with your spouse or partner for three years, five years, fifteen years and you do not see what scares them, frustrates them, or pleases them, what does that say? Are they not worth you taking the time to try and understand them as a person?
If you genuinely want to reconnect, know it will take work, and much of that work will just be learning how your partner operates. The excellent news understands each other better means you won’t make things so personally anymore, instead of seeing your partner as angry or defensive all the time, you will recognize their sensitives and fears.
Reconnecting should not feel like work! The best way to rekindle the joy and passion is to play together. Go to a movie, go dancing together . . . . Whatever it is, try and have genuine fun together.
Relationship s are work, and most couples will experience a sense of disconnect from time to time. If you follow these three steps, you will be able to not only reconnect but feel closer than ever. Moreover, if you think you need more help reconnecting with one another, seek the guidance of a therapist.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring this more, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.