When you build a fire, whether to warm your home or add ambience on a cold winter night, it is vital to tend the fire to keep it going. Relationships are the same. Beginning with that initial spark, we need to tend to it to keep the heat.
Many couples are ready to throw in the towel as soon as things cool off slightly. But love takes work; that’s the reality. I’ve known and worked with many couples over the years, and I have learned some critical things that have helped them stay together over the long term.
Give Each Other Your Full Attention
One of the greatest gifts of love you can give someone is your attention. Especially in today’s day and age, when it seems everyone has their head down, often distracted by technology.
When you first fell in love, the other person probably felt like the centre of your world. Has that changed over time? Do you take each other for granted?
Whether sharing a silly story or seeking advice, always give each other your full attention. Tune in fully and engage. Ask questions and be with them in the moment.
When the relationships begin to feel stale and old, it’s time to learn something new together. While learning a new skill together, you will learn new things about each other. We get to a point in our relationship when we think we know everything about the other person. But people are mysterious and often don’t show all parts of themselves, even to those closest to them.
Take turns planning something fun and spontaneous for you to do for each other. Spontaneity helps you break out of your relationship rut and “forces” you to think of the other person and what might make them happy.
Love is not something you fall in and out of; it is a journey you are on together. So, if you love your partner, give each other your full attention, learn together, and be spontaneous.
If you would like support for your relationship, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me. I offer couples and relationship therapy globally, online and locally in my office in Hove.