The narcissist’s first response when feeling wronged is to confront, attack, blame and criticise. This ‘Tit-for-tat’ style of communications is typical.
There are few filters on thoughts, and the narcissist will not hesitate to make a scene in a public setting. It can feel like you are watching a toddler throwing a tantrum, but this involves an adult, and so everyone stands around, no-one knowing what to do.
The narcissistic person feels incredibly vulnerable and fragile deep within themselves. They can often view themselves as damaged, not loveable or gravely wounded. Over time, however, they build robust defences and walls around this deep inner pain, struggling to give and receive love.
Many narcissists are disconnected from a sense of themselves. Part of this defence is layers of protection that show up through the hostile communication styles; confrontation, attacking, blaming and finger-pointing. It can, therefore, be challenging to sustain a genuinely intimate relationship with a narcissist.
Narcissists are so concerned with control and manipulation to get what they want; they will not hesitate to criticise you for your perceived part in them not getting their desired outcome. Often there are no verbal filters, so they will not hesitate to make a scene in front of others. This can feed into an ongoing sense that you are walking on eggshells in your relationship.
Severe Lack of Empathy
One of the most common traits is an inability to feel empathy for others. Again, due to their inflated view of their self-importance, the feelings of others are not something that concerns the narcissist.
The ability to put yourself in the shoes of another person is a vital building-block for successful relationships. Over time, the lack of empathy in the relationship with a narcissists has seriously detrimental effects on those close.
As a partner, you may feel like discussions seem to always turn to your partner’s feelings, minimal acknowledgement is made of your experiences. You may frequently be left not feeling acknowledged or seen and minimised by your partner and that your needs are not considered. You may have spent time a great deal of time trying to calm and acknowledge your partner’s feelings and make sure their needs are met.
If you would like to discuss difficult dynamics in your relationship, please do not hesitate to contact me.