This is the last part of the blog post on Narcissism in a relationship. The following are tendencies or qualities that Narcissistic often act out in their most intimate relationships.
Refusal to admit mistakes or take responsibility for actions.
The narcissist has many layers of defences that have been developed over an extended period to protect them from hurt and hide their fragility or vulnerability. As a result, you will very rarely, if ever hear your partner say they are sorry in a way that is whole-hearted and authentic.
If your partner has a history of intense but shorter-term relationships with others, a history of losing contact with family members and friends, this may indicate the struggle in sustaining relationships, feeling empathy for others and taking responsibility that the narcissist has in relationship difficulties.
It is also indicative that for the people that are close to the narcissist, this is often an impossible relationship that is too painful to sustain.
Break down in a relationship with friends and family members are often explosive with the narcissist engaging in attacks and recriminations, unfortunately often in public settings. Narcissists often have a long list of friends and family relationships that they have terminated over the years because they have significant interpersonal problems. For most stable, happy people, it is far too painful to be friends with a narcissist, and they exit the relationship. The demands, attacks, blame, criticism and unrealistic expectations of others take their toll. Many narcissists have a vast graveyard of friends and family from all the ruined relationships.
Rage without any feelings of remorse.
A common characteristic of a narcissist is that they will occasionally (or frequently) step into what is referred to as narcissistic rage.
This form of anger will be completely spontaneous with no warning at all. Those around will often be left entirely shell-shocked and shaken, while your partner will continue as if nothing has happened.
There is very often no awareness of how their behaviour is impacting others. The narcissist sees themselves as special and unique and therefore expects to be treated so.
An example of this could be creating a scene and berating someone in public if they don’t get exactly what they want, the way that they want it, or publicly humiliating a someone because they are not on a guest list for a particular function.
These are all seen as intolerable situations because they are not being acknowledged for the particular person they believe themselves to be and receiving the special treatment their grandiose sense-of-self believes they deserve.
Exploitation of others for personal gain.
Another common trait of narcissists is the subtle or sometimes overt exploitation of others for their gain. Often, they can be arrogant and aggressively demanding to get what they want and will treat others poorly to achieve their goal or desired outcome.
This can show up in subtle ways like trying to get goods and services for free or reduced. Alternatively, it may be through throwing tantrums in public settings, like restaurants and shops, to get the outcome they want or some financial or verbal recognition or apology.
I hope this series on Narcissism has been helpful. If you feel you are experiencing abuse in your relationship, please reach out for support.