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Grieving For The First Time

by | Sep 21, 2020

When Will I Start Feeling Better? Thoughts Around Grieving For The First Time

One of the most devastatingly painful experiences we can go through is grieving the loss of a loved one. Although we know that we will all die, no amount of information can prepare us for this devastation. Losing someone we love can be overwhelming. Trying to comprehend the finality of the separation is a traumatic shock to our system that we may never be able to integrate fully.

Grief differs for each individual. How we endure, experience and eventually move to some level of acceptance is unique to each individual. Although Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) are well known, they are not linear or final. There is no definitive road map and no timeline when it comes to grief.

One of the most important things to recognise when it comes to grief is that the length of time you spent in mourning, or the depth of the sadness you feel, is not an indication of how much you loved the one you lost. It is unhealthy to try and skip throughout the mourning by disappearing yourself in work or play. As the saying goes, the only way out is through. If the sorrow you are experiencing becomes overwhelming, please reach out for support. Below are some activities to try and give you some respite.

Do something that feels like you are honouring your loved one — for example, cooking a favourite meal, taking a loved walk.

Write. Journal your feelings, write your loved one a letter.

Try to keep exercise regular. Take for a walk, get out of the house and get some fresh air.

Reach out. Establish a small circle of go-to people who can be there for you when you need to talk.

You are forever changed because of the person that you are grieving. Honour their memory by honouring their life and honour their life by making the best out of yours. 

If you are struggling with grief and need help, please contact my office today and let’s set up a time to talk. I offer sessions from my office in Hove and online.

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