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How to Deal with Infidelity in a Relationship

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Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity: A Guide for Couples

Infidelity can be one of the most painful and difficult challenges a relationship can face. When one partner breaks the promise of faithfulness, the trust that once existed is shattered. If you’ve discovered that your partner has been unfaithful and are unsure of what to do next, this article will help guide you through the complex emotions and decisions you may be facing.

Understanding Infidelity

Infidelity can happen in any relationship, and although we often think it won’t happen to us, statistics show that infidelity affects about one in three couples. It’s important to note that while infidelity is devastating, it is not necessarily a reflection of something lacking in you or your relationship.

There are many reasons why someone might cheat, and these reasons rarely have anything to do with the person being cheated on.

Here are some common reasons:
  • To feel desired
  • Impulsivity or lack of self-control
  • Boredom or dissatisfaction
  • Impaired decision-making due to drugs or alcohol
  • Compulsive sexual behaviour

While these reasons can help explain infidelity, they are never an excuse. The person who cheats makes a conscious decision to do so, and that decision can have significant consequences for the relationship.

Can a Relationship Survive Infidelity?

Yes, it is possible for a relationship to survive infidelity, but it requires both partners to be willing to work through the pain and rebuild what has been broken. Rebuilding trust is a gradual process, and it involves healing, open communication, and a commitment from both partners to make the relationship stronger than before.

Here are some tips to help navigate the path forward:

1. Open Communication

It is essential to have honest and open conversations about the affair. Both partners need to express their feelings, fears, and frustrations. This conversation should not be rushed and should ideally be guided by a professional therapist who can help manage the emotions that arise. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can be particularly helpful here, as it focuses on understanding and improving emotional connections, allowing couples to rebuild trust and intimacy.

2. Reflect on the Good Times

While the pain of infidelity is real, it can be helpful to remember the positive aspects of your relationship. Reflecting on the moments when you were happy together and the ways your partner has shown love and care in the past can help you reconnect.

3. Address Underlying Issues

Infidelity often happens against the backdrop of unresolved issues within the relationship. Use this difficult time as an opportunity to address those issues—whether they are communication problems, unmet needs, or longstanding tensions. Taking time to resolve these issues will allow for a fresh start and a stronger foundation.

4. Practice Honesty

Honesty is paramount as you begin the healing process. Both partners need to be completely open about their feelings and the changes they want in the relationship. It’s important to discuss how you both want to be loved and supported moving forward.

5. Set a Timetable for Recovery

Healing takes time. Both partners need to be intentional about the recovery process. The person who was unfaithful should give the other partner space to heal, honouring their emotional needs and recovery time. It’s crucial to set realistic expectations for recovery, understanding that trust cannot be rebuilt overnight.

6. Rekindle Romance

Remember the excitement you felt when you first fell in love? Reignite that spark by doing activities together that you both enjoy. Reintroduce moments of romance and intimacy into your relationship to help foster connection and emotional closeness.

7. Reaffirm Your Commitment

It’s essential to reaffirm that infidelity will not occur again. Both partners must make a mutual commitment to rebuild the relationship and to be open, honest, and faithful moving forward.

Patience is Key

Rebuilding a relationship after infidelity is a slow process that requires patience, understanding, and commitment from both partners. Couples can heal, but it takes work, especially if the emotional bond has been fractured. With the support of each other, close friends, family, and professional counselling, couples can move past an affair and become even stronger.

If you’re struggling with the aftermath of infidelity in your relationship, I offer relationship counselling services to help couples work through these difficult issues. Emotionally Focused Therapy can help you rebuild your emotional connection and strengthen the bond between you and your partner.

If you would like support, please do not hesitate to contact me via email. I offer online sessions to clients globally and provide in-person consultations from my office in Hove. Let’s work together to help you and your partner navigate this challenging time.

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