Reestablishing Physical Intimacy
Becoming parents is one of the most profound transitions a couple can experience. Amidst the joy and chaos of raising children, it’s common for intimacy to take a backseat. Yet reconnecting sexually is key to sustaining the emotional bond that initially brought you together. If you’re feeling distant in this area, you’re not alone—and there are ways to rekindle that connection.
Understanding the Three Types of Sex
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a therapeutic approach that helps couples navigate emotional bonding, identifies three types of sex that can help us understand the dynamics of our relationships:
- Sealed-Off Sex
This type of sex is disconnected from emotion. It’s functional, perhaps routine, but lacks the closeness or vulnerability to make it genuinely fulfilling. After kids, many couples may fall into this type of sexual dynamic simply because life becomes busy and sex becomes another “task.”
- Solace Sex
This intimacy occurs when one or both partners seek reassurance and comfort. In the whirlwind of parenthood, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or distant from your partner, making solace sex a way to temporarily bridge that emotional gap. While it offers comfort, it may not address deeper emotional needs.
- Synchronised Sex
This is where most couples want to be—sex that is emotionally and physically connected. It’s about more than just the physical act; it expresses love, trust, and vulnerability. Achieving synchronised sex is the ideal, but after children, it can feel like a distant goal. However, it is possible to reconnect on this deeper level with some effort.
Reconnecting After Children
The good news is that there are practical steps you can take to reignite intimacy in your relationship:
- Prioritise Time Together: With the demands of children, work, and household responsibilities, couples often find little time for one another. Make time to connect, even if it’s not immediately sexual—date nights or simple moments of closeness can help rekindle that bond.
- Open Communication: Be honest with each other about how you’re feeling. Are you missing the emotional connection? Has intimacy become too much of a routine? Discussing these concerns can open the door to understanding and change.
- Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to seek couples therapy. An EFT therapist can help you explore your emotional needs and guide you toward synchronised, fulfilling intimacy.
Raising children is challenging, but your connection as a couple is just as important. By prioritising emotional and physical intimacy, you can keep your relationship strong—and your sexual bond thriving.
If you would like support, please reach out to me at I see my clients in my office in Hove and globally online.
